Get Dreaming!

I know...seven weeks have gone by and I haven't posted. It's not because I haven't done anything, just lazy in getting on the computer. Here are some of the things I have done for my first merit badge, Dare To Dream:


This is the notebook I will be using for this self improvement project:

It was given to me by a dear friend, Jazzy Wescott (now Pulsipher), for Christmas during our senior year of college (admittedly over 10 years ago, and I am just getting around to using it). We considered ourselves writers and dreamed of being like Joan Bauer and Louise Plummer. Because of this, we filled notebooks with lists and musings, in the hopes that one day we would be published and have our books as required reading in Dr. Crowe's Adolescent Literature class at BYU. So far, this is still a dream for both of us, but with project, maybe it will become a reality.

Anyway, this notebook will be where I write my assignments for the different merit badges. So far it contains a list of dreams: dreams from the past, present, and, hopefully, future. Dreams that I have achieved, and ones that I have not yet achieved (the latter is far longer than the former). Looking back on some of the things I dreamed of doing has also helped me to reflect on my life in general, laughing at some of the silly, unrealistic dreams I had as a child (and even as a young adult), and revisiting dreams that I had forgotten about.

This list is all I have completed so far for this badge. Next comes answering a list of questions to help me expand on the dreams listed, to entertain the imagination of what dreams may come, seeing myself as achieving instead of just dreaming. It will be a wonderful adventure. After all, I do believe Eleanor Roosevelt when she said, "The future belongs to those who believe in the BEAUTY of their dreams."

Dare To Dream

"You allow yourself to think bigger than life, because even the most fantastic dreams have something to tell us about who we are---and who we may yet become."

So here we go. An adventure of me. I am at the beginning and anything is possible. I have the potential to become extraordinary, and it's all up to me.

How long has it been since I dreamed of what I wanted to be, about where I want to go, or what I want to experience in this life?

 Shamefully, the only recent dream I have been focusing on is a dream that has gone unrealized. For as long as I can remember I have had the dream of being a wife and mother.

There were very few things I pretended to be as a child. I used to play with the air conditioning machine in our backyard, pretending the slim metal slats were card catalog files, but I didn't ever dream of becoming a librarian. I had toy medical kits and said I wanted to be a cardiac surgeon, but I didn't ever act out performing a heart bypass. I did, however, frequently imitate all the aspects of being a mother that I had been exposed to. From being pregnant and giving birth, to caring for my many Cabbage Patch dolls, I pretended to do all the things I thought a mother would do. As I grew, nothing else really compared to the desire I had to be a mother. 

I floundered in college, knowing I needed and wanted to get a degree, but knowing that no degree would fulfill the deepest desire of my heart. It is hard to dream and plan when your ultimate dream depends on so many factors that you have no real control over. And so I stopped dreaming. I plugged along, getting degrees that I enjoyed and that brought some sort of joy to my life, and put THE dream on the back burner.

But why shouldn't I consider other dreams? There are plenty of things I want to try and experience, not just being a wife and mother, so why not move the focus to some of these other dreams?

The first badge I am attempting is a pretty basic self discovery one, "Dare to Dream: The First Step." Requirements involve writing down dreams, even ones that seem unachievable, pushing the limits of what I think I can do, envisioning the realization of these dreams, and other introspective activities. It should take 2-3 weeks. First step, scheduling 3 one hour dream sessions. SO, I should post 3 times in the next two weeks about these sessions. Expect ramblings on crazy dreams I'm exploring, regrets of dreams left behind, and other possibly embarrassing ideas.

Going back to Childhood

"Twist me and turn me and show me the elf."
I looked in the water and saw...myself.


With my mother's hallway mirror as our pond, 20+ first grade girls recited that couplet, looked into the mirror, and became Brownie Girl Scouts. I had really no idea what being a girl scout entailed. Does any little girl really know? I did know I would belong, I would have fun, and I would learn skills I had never dreamed of.

My family was immersed in Girl Scouting. At my father's funeral, there were girls of every age, dressed in their scout uniforms, there honoring the "Man who was a Girl Scout," or "Mr. Gretchen" as the girls at Girl Scout Camp would call him. My mother was my troop leader from first grade brownies all the way to twelfth grade Senior Scouts. There were girls I was in scouting with through all those years, ones I met at Sugar Hollow Day Camp, which my parents ran for several years each summer, and ones I met on Wider Opportunities across the nation. We were all achievers. And that is what I miss most about scouting: earning badges.

Admittedly, I like recognition. I like checking off requirements and receiving a reward for my efforts. I like looking back at what I have learned from the journey of earning. I enjoy the drive I get when there is a clear set of objectives set before me of what I need to do in order to become proficient in something. I remember looking through the try-it, badge, and interest project patch books, searching for ones that seemed interesting to me, checking out the requirements, and getting to work. One summer I over heard some girls at camp saying, "She has all those because Gretchen is her mom, and just gets them for her. I bet she hasn't even earned them." It hurt, but I knew the truth: I had completed every requirement necessary to receive those badges, and all the skills that went along with them.

Now that I'm an adult, having graduated college, and gotten a masters degree, I pretty much just plug away at my job, doing the daily requirements to keep it, and focusing mostly on that, not on bettering myself. I long for the days when I would feel a real sense of accomplishment. For some reason checking off the requirements given to me by others helped me feel that.

Recently I came across the book, You Can Do It!: The Merit Badge Handbook for Grown-Up Girls by Lauren Catuzzi Grandcolas, Yvette Bozzini, Vaughn Lohec and Dara Near, and I knew I had to get it and start learning some new skills. So, my goal is to complete one of the Grown-Up Girl Merit Badges per month. I will track my success here, and hopefully share my triumphs (although, I'm sure there will also be some mishaps) with you.